Mental health. The side effects

Mental health still has that stigma, just because it's not seen, Dosnt mean it's not there. There are many many mental health conditions in which effect people in their every day life's. Anything can trigger anixity, mine especially. It's a odd thing combined both with depression. One tells you do something, the other tells you you cant do it. It's battling with your own voices. 


I have suffered from insomnia for many years. At first I put it down having an over creative mind where ideas will just escalate and my mind map will keep on growing. It's been 72hrs without any sleep. I'm not tired or feel tired but I can feel the stress on my body. My joints ache, click. Muscle cramps, tention at the back of my head. Ive tried sleeping tablets but these just don't work for me. At the moment of writing this, its 3:25am here in England. The wind is howling outside our bedroom sliding doors that lead to our garden. It's quite at night (not tonight) but most nights but the doubts and stresses in my mind are deafening.  

There has been a number of things playing on my mind recently, just how short life really is. Since I launched RION® Magazine and the growth has been phenomenal. Which I am truely great full for. But with success there are also losses. You have some friends that stick with you and support you. And the rest that I've known for years have just disappeared of the face of the earth. I don't know if this has anything to do with my work, my health or my partners health. But it is extremely disappointing and hurtful. I still think of him from time to time as I've know him for years but it was after I broke down and told him about the horrific sexual assault that happened to me afew months ago (that he got away with) that I never herd from him again. This only adds to the shame, guilt and dirtiness that I feel everyday. I haven't really spoke about what happen, because it's something I've tried to forget. If anyone has been through this you know what I mean by this. The endless scrubbing yourself in the shower, burying your head into something to block out the screams inside your mind. The mental breakdown I had not so long ago where in frustration I wanted to rip my face off. I couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror. I still can't. I find it hard as my job working in Fashion as an editor and photographer I am seeing so many beautiful people. Not just on the outside but on the insid too. I've worked in fashion for almost 10 years now and still struggle with my appreance. With London Fashion Week just around the corner. The events, the catwalk shows, all trigger of my anixity. I love fashion week in the respect that I truely love seeing the talented work from some of the best independent designers out there. But then come the drepression of self doubt, first, trivial that this may be. What do you wear? In a very judgemental industry you have to stand out or fade out.

So going back to the topic of this conversation, what are the side effects to mental health. Only you know as we all have those voices in our head. Sometimes you've got to be strong enough to not listen. So my advice would be, everyone has their own problems in life. Think before you act or speak. Mental illness is an illness that you can't see. Little actions might not mean anything to you, but can leave a lasting message to someone. Spread love. Spread peace.