Mental health. The side effects

Mental health still has that stigma, just because it's not seen, Dosnt mean it's not there. There are many many mental health conditions in which effect people in their every day life's. Anything can trigger anixity, mine especially. It's a odd thing combined both with depression. One tells you do something, the other tells you you cant do it. It's battling with your own voices. 

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I have suffered from insomnia for many years. At first I put it down having an over creative mind where ideas will just escalate and my mind map will keep on growing. It's been 72hrs without any sleep. I'm not tired or feel tired but I can feel the stress on my body. My joints ache, click. Muscle cramps, tention at the back of my head. Ive tried sleeping tablets but these just don't work for me. At the moment of writing this, its 3:25am here in England. The wind is howling outside our bedroom sliding doors that lead to our garden. It's quite at night (not tonight) but most nights but the doubts and stresses in my mind are deafening.  

There has been a number of things playing on my mind recently, just how short life really is. Since I launched RION® Magazine and the growth has been phenomenal. Which I am truely great full for. But with success there are also losses. You have some friends that stick with you and support you. And the rest that I've known for years have just disappeared of the face of the earth. I don't know if this has anything to do with my work, my health or my partners health. But it is extremely disappointing and hurtful. I still think of him from time to time as I've know him for years but it was after I broke down and told him about the horrific sexual assault that happened to me afew months ago (that he got away with) that I never herd from him again. This only adds to the shame, guilt and dirtiness that I feel everyday. I haven't really spoke about what happen, because it's something I've tried to forget. If anyone has been through this you know what I mean by this. The endless scrubbing yourself in the shower, burying your head into something to block out the screams inside your mind. The mental breakdown I had not so long ago where in frustration I wanted to rip my face off. I couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror. I still can't. I find it hard as my job working in Fashion as an editor and photographer I am seeing so many beautiful people. Not just on the outside but on the insid too. I've worked in fashion for almost 10 years now and still struggle with my appreance. With London Fashion Week just around the corner. The events, the catwalk shows, all trigger of my anixity. I love fashion week in the respect that I truely love seeing the talented work from some of the best independent designers out there. But then come the drepression of self doubt, first, trivial that this may be. What do you wear? In a very judgemental industry you have to stand out or fade out.

So going back to the topic of this conversation, what are the side effects to mental health. Only you know as we all have those voices in our head. Sometimes you've got to be strong enough to not listen. So my advice would be, everyone has their own problems in life. Think before you act or speak. Mental illness is an illness that you can't see. Little actions might not mean anything to you, but can leave a lasting message to someone. Spread love. Spread peace. 

Source: http://waynenoir.com

Ask me anything?

so, one of my challenged this year is to be totally open with myself  I've recently been interviewed for some blogs, and magazines about myself and my work.

In response to this, I posted on my social pages asking if anyone would like to ask me anything, here are some of the questions I received. I have answered these with total honestly and will continue to update this section as more questions come.

Photo by JC Candanedo 

Photo by JC Candanedo 

 

Where do you see yourself working in ten years time?

Hopefully still running RION magazine and maybe another couple of other magazines. I'd like to branch off and explore different aspects of fashion and have my own label.

 

As a content creator, how do you manage your time effectively to be able to meet set, desired deadlines?

We have a Content Callander that we work towards, every one sends me their articles by Friday and I scheduled them for the following week. If they are not suitable, then they don't get published. With the print issues, we aim to have content wrapped up 2 months prior the launch. This gives our graphic designer time to put the issue together, for me to proof read everything, proof read it again, and then again after. I have a RION checklist that i adhere too and nothing goes in unless it's been check, doubled check, filed, backed up and then. Once this stage is completed, it's off to our printers for a dummy run, this is so we ensure that everything looks great on paper do where it should be. Once I'm happy with that, the order gets sent over and two weeks later we have our issues ready to be sent out.

 

If you could change one thing that would positively effect the county and its people, what would it be and why?

If I could change one thing, it would be total quality for everyone. Everyone to be treated the same no matter who they are.

 

Where are you most ticklish?

Oh gosh it's my feet, drives me crazy and the side of my stomach. I do this awful screech when I'm tickled.

 

 

 

How do you think the world will change in the next 10 years and are you doing anything to prepare?

I think everything will be digital, I think fashion week will be replaced with fashion movies, we'd see moving magazines and I don't think people will read as much. The world is already becoming that way.

I try to think forward and keep up with the times so I'm preparing for this I'd say I haven't even started yet.

 

How did you get into fashion photography?Was it because your crap at cooking?

I've always loved fashion, and photography. For me when it all started was with the launch of Facebook. I just wanted a decent profile picture for my profile and none of my friends could do what vision I had in my mind. So that's what started the ball rolling really, some will know I trained as a chef when I was 16-20 and studied all my levels, worked in a 5 start hotel, business and industry. They are both creative fields in their own way but capturing an image will last forever, a meal will last minutes.

 

 


Which photoshoot in your  in your career would you say was the most  difficult to shoot and why?

The cover for #IssueNOIR, we had a huge team for this and it was the launch of RION in print so there was a lot of pressure. It was my vision, my magazine, my idea and I always criticise my work. I put myself under so much pressure for this issue that I didn't even turn on the switch for the studio lights, but we got there in the end and the results I'm truly happy with.

 

How do you like your eggs in the morning?

I don't lol, hate eggs, only time I eat them is raw after a gaming session.

 

Do you think you've changed your personality in order to fit in in the fashion and beauty world?

You could say yes and no to this question, when I'm directing and shooting I'm a different person to when I'm FROW at fashion weeks. In this industry you have to have balls, and tough skin. People always judge.

 

What would you like to do that you haven't yet done?

To travel the world, I'd love to go to Japan. It's on my bucket list.

 

"Noir 1000% translates as black in french.Are you french?"

Hahaha, nope, I'm not french, although I can speak a bit of the language and I love the French couture.

 

Your favourite colour is black, you pretty much only wear black yet you hate black socks. Why is that?

This, is a very good question that I don't actually no the answer too. I'm very hyperactive most of the time, so I guess coloured socks is my way of not taking life too seriously. At the moment I'm wearing bright blue socks with bananas and monkeys on.

 

what style of images inspire you the most.

Black and white images, high fashion and movement, anything that's raw and screens with attitude.

 

Nike or Adidas trainers?

Nike! But then at the moment I'm wearing Adidas superstars. 


What inspired you to get into the magazine/fashion/photography industry?

I've always loved fashion and photography. And I wanted to launch a creative platform for upcoming creatives and established creatives alike. This is where RION was born.

 

What's your biggest regret?

 

I try not to think with regrets but I'd say it would be my health, I wished I looked after my body a bit more. You only live once and that can be short lived.

 

How do you measure personal success?

I'm not sure I really understand this question? I'd like to think I'm successful but that can all go away tomorrow so I'm grateful for everything that I have achieved so far and plan to continue this going forward.

Wasps, bastards or needed? 

Hate them, and they always feel the need to fly around your ear 👂  

 What did you want to be when you grew up and if it's not what you do now then what changed your mind?

I wanted to work in forensics in the serious crime section. I didn't past my grade. It it's something that's always fascinates me. 

Creatively. A gift or a curse?

So. My thought for this week. Is being creative a gift or a curse?

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I see things visually in my mind. I don't imagine it. That's the difference. It can be amazing when a concept for a feature, article or a shoot comes to mind. . I can visualise exactly how I want it to be. But can anegative mind drown your creativity? I know many creatives that create on this basis and some have some stories to tell. I'm a huge fan of Kirsty Mitchell and her work, her story is tragic but how she expresses her pain is incredible. I'm at a cross road with my mind. I think and see in black and white so for me it's hard to see whether things are negative or creative. It's the emotion and feeling I feel that determin what this is. Creative block is something I can suffer from time to time. I have this vision, but when I draw it out it's completely different to what I see in my head. Imagine a horror story of a child drawing something scary with scratched out eyes. It's pretty much like that. But I know deep down this will create something truly amazing. So. I keep a notebook next to my bed every night and when I wake up I sketch, write down keywords and feelings. This has inspired me to finally launch my T-Shirt collection that I've been longing to do for quite some time. (coming soon) 

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Hearing the sad news today about what happened in Manchester ( I say what happened because I don't think ISIS deserves the publicity for it. They are cowards and will only ever be lonely! LONELY!) nothing will destroy the community of our human race. Terror will never win, and you will never gain, you only bring shame on yourself and your family and your fellow community. The people that died will always be remembered but you won't, you'd be forgottten by next month. The life's that were taken will live on forever. So fuck you, it's embarrassing that you need the sad attention to get some notice. Your issues. Not ours. I'm sure your family are truly proud of you. Yeah. Whatever. This isnt about you. This is about the life's that sadly got lost whilst enjoying them selfs. RIP.

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Kirsty Mitchell

Love her work. 

View here  

https://www.kirstymitchellphotography.com/

Do you get stuck creatively?

This is a question that I've often asked our creatives. "Do you get stuck creatively"? And if so. How do you over come this? 

without sounding like a drainer but recently my mind has gone through this process quite a lot. It's hard having the negatively that floods our surroundings and drowns our brains. The toxin itself is like a cancer that only delevolpes and takes over your mind, body and sole. Time of late has been really difficult, tho I don't let things get to me personally but I have to admit. It dose effect my creative process. How can I think outside the box when those walls are padlocked and shutting me in this deep dark hole. My recent cancer scare really hit home. I'm 31 tomorrow and there's so much I want to do, not just for myself but for the other side of me. My parter. My best friend. My solemate. Adam Weston. Things have been tough with recent news about his health but I can safely say now that out of all the friends we "have" there has only been afew that have stuck by us through this terrible situation. If you do t know already about what has gone on then clearly you're not interested in us and only the gossip side of things. 

Adam is my rockmm, always have and always will be. The next part of this statement is domestic violence, Adam had and will never treat me like shit, hit me, or beat me. He helped me  

I was in a two year domestic relationship that really ate at me like a pack of wild animals. I totally lost who I was as a person. I used to dance. Quite well to say the least. I done Latin ballroom, tango, street and dance. I danced in a cage at one stage. He took that away from from me.(NOT ADAM)  Not going to mention his name as he Dosnt deserve that reconstruction. But we were in a club, and I could t dance. I totally forgot how too. Everything was taken away from me. I was beaten. I wasn't allowed to eat. That's caused my eating disorder. That I still struggle with today. Not that I think I'm fat. I can't eat. It's not that at all. No where near. I want to eat. But when the negative thoughts hits me like a flood. I just can't. Psyically. I can't. And it really annoys me and fucks me off when "people say" oh you need to eat more. You need more meat on your bones?" Seriously. Do t I know that. What is this stigma about skinny people?! You don't say to someone that's larger than you "oh, don't eat that. You need to stop eating" so why is it esspical for other to say this. We still have the same emotion. It Dosnt make us eat. It makes us more conscious. Don't be rude. Understand people have their own reasons. Don't judge. We don't judge you.  

Thats all I have to say on this matter.  

 

so back to the origianl question. How do you overcome the question? How do you think creatively and keep that thought process? I'd like to hear from from you.  

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Cancer. That word is hard!

It's been a difficult time of late recently. The stresses and struggles with life & work itself is hard enough.  Things can get to you easily when you are stressed. It's been busy at the RION head quarters with the launch of the pilot issue #issueNOIR which has had some truly amazing feedback, I shot the cover star HellavaGirl who I can truest say I one hell of a girl! An Amazing artist, yes, she designs clothes but no, she is way more than that. In my eyes, in RION. She is a true artist. We spend the last few months before the launch of issue noir working together so I got to know Helen, the brain child behind HellavaGirl. The incredible designs and the work that goes on behind her work is incredible. I only wished that we filmed this as a documentary because we went from design process, radios interviews, interviews. The London fashion week show which we as RION media partnered up with and also sorted the PR for the show and after also. (We like to help designers, that's part of what we do) the show was / is just out of this world. The tears, stress, the guest list! God the guest list! Was incredible, but that also brought extreme amounts of pressure and to bring the expectation to RION also was a lot. We have the video on the RION site and also read the interview to in the lastest issue. 

 

Anyway, I'm doing what I do best and hiding from certain situations. Referring to the title. I recently after the issue of RION #IssueNOIR I Became Ill. Really Ill. I always worked on RION throughout this process and the scare literally scared me. Last year was such a tough year for for me. Losing my uncle and watching him deteriorate due to cancer and a close friend of mine mother that was yeah basically a close friend also to this disease that takes so many life's in this small world.  My ashma of late has been terrible and got worse over time. Me being me, put everything behind me and was full stream ahead as usual. It was only since I struggled to breath every morning, (again, pushing through this) still kept going. My inhalers wasn't working, antibiotics wasn't working. When you get that *were going to screen you for CANCER* really hits home. It scares the shit out you. It really makes you think of life and what is really important. I don't care about social following. About VVIP tickets to FROW seats at London fashion week. I do what I do because I love it. I started RION because I wanted to give something back to the creative industry. It's such a million pound industry but such a small creative  platform.angain I'm doing what I do best and hiding meshing my passion. What I'm saying is get fucking checked out if you even have the slightest doubt that there is something wrong. I'm lucky enough that I've been cleared and just diagnosed with uncontrolled asthma, there's lots more they need to do and more testing but I'm fucking so greatful that I'm cleared. And anyone that may think, doubt, just go and get checked out. This is why the next issue will be donated to cancer. Not for my benefit, because of you haven't realised by now this is not about me, RION is not about me. It's about the creatives. This post is about making people awear of the signs of cancer. My signs are the following. 

 

I struggle to catch my breath in mornings.  

I struggle to breath throughout the day.  

I feel like I have a constant slab on my chest

my lungs burns when I breath

my windpipe feels like someone's holding it

 

these are only just some of my symptoms. If you have anything remotely similar then go and get yourself checked out!!  

Cancer is a scary thing. And not anything you should take lightheartedly. As someone once said to me that has stuck permanently in my brain.  

When you car needs servicing and MOTing. You do that. Without a thought. You just do it because it's natural. When it comes to you health? It gets missed. Don't miss it. Get it sorted. It might be too late. I was / am lucky. May this bring luck to you! 

 

RIP my uncle Less and Anne Hutchings. All your kids and family think of you everyday. God rest your sole!  

RION team up with HELLAVAGIRL for London fashion week

So, I've been quiet on here for awhile and I will put up my progress on my fitness program but we've just teamed up as media partner with Hellevagirl for this seasons London Fashion Week. This I'm so excited about this. With Toni&Guy and Benefit as sponsors the show will showcase at Fashion Scout at the Freemasons hall in London. Just two weeks before issue NOIR lands, HellavaGirl will showcase their latest collection to a vast number of celebrities and fashion influences across the globe.  

 "Fusing the decadence of fine art with innovative design practises and avant-garde dreaming, Hellavagirl prides itself on producing beautifully crafted lines for the BOLD. Hellavagirl's creator Helen Woollams infectious, high spirited nature only adds to the brands flirtatious take on design, channelling her own vision for creating truly unique couture. “

 

With over 15 years of fine art and design experience Helen Woollams founded Hellavagirl in 2011. Most recently being awarded Britain's Top Designer 2016 and with internationally published collections the past five years has been a momentous testament to all the hard-work, the exploration of vision and successful lines to date.

2017 is going from strength to strength and I'm so great full for the wonderful team that I have at RION magazine HQ who work like mad to gain the success that we have now and for our future. The NOIR issue will be avilaible from the 24th February and will be available on rionmagazine store. We have some exciting growth within the RION brand and this will be announced during the year ahead.  

 

For any ticket requests please email the LFW team at lfw@rionmagazine.com 

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Week 2 -diary of a skinny kid Pumping up 💪🏻 LFWM

Week 2 was a difficult one. With London Fashion Week Men's underway and shows buzzing around London. I admit, finding the time to go to the gym for the work out didn't really happen. I managed two out of my 5 sessions but I did manage to squeeze a few home work outs that Sam showed us how to do from home. From pull ups, dips, sit ups and his ab routine. Having these at home work outs really helped me to keep on tract as I was sliding off track. 

The weekend was a total write off mind you, with the cover shoot on the Sunday. 4 Models, one designers. The day was jammed pack and my diet went out the window. All week I managed to take my lunch boxes and snacks but when it came to Saturday night, after the Velsvoir Show (pretty awesome by the way) and then on the way back to the office to finalise shoot preparations. We stopped at Boondocks. Week 3 I intend to step it up a notch and smash this out. 

 

In all, I've lost weight but I am shaping up. Images coming in week 4. Keep your eyes peeled.  

Alone?

 Alone

 

Is being alone the same as feeling alone?

This is a question that burdens my mind often. Sometime, even in a crowded room, at a train station, socialising with friends, I can feel lonely. Silly as it sounds but I do think differently to some others in my circle. Some understand me and some don't. It's just like art. Some people truly understand the moment of which the artist has taken to express their vision. To some, it's just a splash of paint on an canvas or wall. But maybe it's just the emotion and anger behind this feeling that is now being released on to a separate object. Some paint, sing, dance to express them selfs. Others get lashed up and get wild. Some hide behind drugs but the real question here is. Are you alone? Or do you feel alone? There is a difference! And only an answer that you can make. Don't go and judge someone but what you "think" they are or what actions they do. You never know what is going on in someone else's life. We all have troubles and inner demons. It how we release these that makes us artist unique. I think in black and white. But when I get really down and upset I think in colour. Because colour has more emotion, in my option that is anyway. So stay true to yourself. Express yourself the way you feel and you will achieve everything you ever desire.

 

Wayne Noir

Don't suffer in silence, talk to someone.  

Don't suffer in silence, talk to someone.  

Trainer Addicts!

Trainers addicts?

Nike Air Max - Black  

Nike Air Max - Black  

 

For me, footwear is a must in any outfit. I make shoe contact before I make eye contact.

 

I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they have on their feet. This applies to both men and women. More and more men are getting obsessed with their trainers. They need to have the latest pair, keep them clean as fuck. Bows are are tucked in and the laces crisp white. But why is this? Gone are the days where boys would be running back with mud covered in their boots, banging them on the wall outside to loosen them before entering the house. It's like we've grown our generation and the generation below into clean OCD trainer freaks. Instagram is flooded with images of people's feet wearing their kicks, even wardrobes showing how many pairs they have. I'm the first one to admit, I love trainers. I'm a trainer whore when it comes to this. At the moment my favourites are still the classic Nike Air Max, Air Force 1, high tops too. I went through the Vans stage but after a night of partying and heavy boozing, boy did my feet hurt the week after! I've never wore them again. This trainer culture of addicts is a growing community, and I expect to see some new emerging footwear designers in the making ready to unleash their passion on their own collection. 

 

What are your favourite kicks? Let me know in the comments and which ones you think I should get next.

Nike Air Max

Nike Air Max

Dairy of a skinny boy!

Week 1

 

The first week was interesting. From eating very little to 3 full meals a day plus snacks and protein shakes in between. Cutting out the sugars had massive changes to my body and mind. At times I had major crashes, I felt really down and it was hard to find the motivation to kick myself in gear. Although I am allowed coffee in my program, but I have decided as I'm detoxing before bed, I'm going to go full out on this and cut that caffeine also. At times I longed for the caffeine rush but with breakfast that consists of porridge and blueberries, that gives me engery throughtout the day but not in a caffeine, sugar rush way. A longer lasting source of energy. 

Breakfast - Porridge with Blueberries

Breakfast - Porridge with Blueberries

 

So far, I must drink 1 pint of water first thing in the morning before I do anything. This massively has improved my alertness and I don't feel as groggy in the mornings. Then it's breakfast @7am. This is porridge with blueberries (I tried it with dates but yuk!) then my first protein shake. I am allowed to snack on nuts during the day until it's lunch time and this week I've stuck to having the same meals. My thought process is if I have the same meal, the same amount, I don't have to concentrate on making this and get get focus on my daily task. Lunch has been 4 scrambled eggs and 100g smoked salmon.  Then another pint of water and my second protein shake.

Smoked Salmon with Scrambled Eggs

Smoked Salmon with Scrambled Eggs

Evening meal that I have to eat by 8pm has been brown rice, two chicken breast, spinach and 2 more eggs. I decided to funk this up a bit as I'm not a huge fan of rice. For this I decide to fry these all together with some coconut oil, some garlic, turmeric, paprika and at the end i poured in some Nando's peri piri sauce and finished this off with two poached eggs! I have to say, this was lovely. Final protein shake with another pint of water and a detox tea before bed.

Stir Fried Chicken with Spinach, Garlic, Piri Piri sauce, topped with Poached Eggs.

Stir Fried Chicken with Spinach, Garlic, Piri Piri sauce, topped with Poached Eggs.

 

All in all, this is a good program, I'm starting to feeling more sturdy ifthat makes any sense, Sam is very helpful. He's always there to answer any stupid questions that I have asked I have my gym program now

Detox Tea - Green Tea, Slice of Lemon, 2 Raspberries 

Detox Tea - Green Tea, Slice of Lemon, 2 Raspberries 

Getting buff with Callahan!

For me, I have always struggled with being myself. Eating just doesn't come to mind. For as long as I can remember I've always had an eating disorder. I don't look at myself and think "I'm fat, I must stop eating" this was my struggle, to begin with. How can I have an eating disorder when I know I'm not fat? Food just doesn't register with me. I eat for survival. Not for enjoyment. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy food, of course, I do. I mean it in a sense that I don't wake up and think, oh it's breakfast. What shall I have? Or what do I want for lunch? Almost dinner, I fancy this tonight. This doesn't register in my mind. Sometimes I can go all day without food. Not that I'm starving myself because it's not that thought process. I just forget to eat. My day to day life is pretty hectic and I don't have break times for lunch, often I'm out the door by 6 am. Before I know it, I've missed two meals, times this by a week that's 14 meals. Times that for the month that's 56, and then for the year that's a shocking 672 meals I would normally miss out on. That's a hell of a lot. When you see that on paper it's quite shocking (embarrassing actually) I've always struggled with my image. This is NOT because I work in fashion. I think this is why I love creating images and running a magazine. I get to build on something I see, develop that concept and turn it into my own vision and masterpiece.  

 

Now here's the challenge. I've signed up to Sam Callahan's clean eating and fitness program for 3 months. In the next few months Sam is going to kick me in gear and with his meal plan that I WILL stick too, we hope to transform my shape in just 90 days. I know this isn't going to be easy but I'm up for the challenge and pumped ready to start this. 

 

Some of you reading this might be thinking, Sam Callahan. The guy from XFactor? What does he know about fitness and nutrition! Believe me, he does. And seeing his transformation over the months, if I get to half his shape I'd be a very happy man! The images speak for themselves. 

 

I'm writing this post as a kick up the arse to get myself focused and to actually do something about my body. To put myself out there so personally is something that scares me, I cover my arms so they don't look so skinny, I've worn a padded vest out to make myself look broader.. this has been my secret. It's no secret anymore. I'm ready to do this and will embrace the challenges ahead of me. 

 

Image from Sam's Facebook Page Before and After

Image from Sam's Facebook Page

Before and After

Day 1 Waist - 28" Chest - 34" Weight - 9 Stone 02/01/2017

Day 1

Waist - 28"

Chest - 34"

Weight - 9 Stone

02/01/2017

FROM FASHION TO FRAGRANCE

#ThisIsHim 

FROM FASHION TO FRAGRANCE

 

Zadig&Voltaire: a quintessentially French fashion house, whose name is a reference to the nickname of founder Thierry Gillier, ferryman of the Voltairian mindset.

1997. The rock star of the Zadie hero and his revolutionary philosopher Voltaire inspired Thierry Gillier to create a new French luxury brand. Chic and casual. Young, arty, Parisian. Feminine, masculine. More than an everyday collection, it would be free-spirited, with a rock attitude. It would breathe told and embrace modernity.

A woody oriental fragrance

Black, Powerful. The gentleman rocker with a leather-hard spirit. This urban wanderer reinforces his confidence with a spicy incense of grapefruit and black pepper, vanilla and sandalwood.

 

Zadig&Voltaire